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Matt's LogAnd you thought you knew me... 2006/11/09 Moving on up to the east side...To those who used to visit this space on a regular basis...the blog has moved. And having moved on, let me give you a quick run down of why...
 Have you ever thought someone was a friend only to find out their interest in you was only for their own benefit? I found that out. The hard way. In fact, I found that out the hardest way. I used to write my blogs as emails. I would write the email, send it to myself, pick it up now and then and edit the draft, resend it to myself, and so on and so forth until the entry was done and I posted it. The sad thing is that I generally had time at work since I rarely took the time to eat a meal during my break periods.
 Anyway, I got REALLY frustrated over a couple of days where two people either slept during their shifts, talked to their wives, or left the department to talk to others someone else in the workplace. So I vented in my blog. And then this friend read that blog...and PRAISED me up and down telling everyone at work how they should read the entry and how absolutely 100% correct I was and how much she supported everything that I had to say. And then the next day told the boss that I had done it, said she was concerned that I might vent about her out of anger at some point, and thought something needed to be done. Granted, the concern was realistic based on what I had done but the two I vented about had established work avoidance and laziness as a way of life. Now and then everyone takes a break. The problem was it was constant for these two...and during a particularly busy period...I snapped...since no one in management took my (or anyone else's) concerns seriously enough to effect a lasting change.
 So again...I snapped...
 Don't get me wrong, I'm not excusing my actions. I am just saying what drove me to move the blog. Who knows if I was going to vent again, right? So I started a new blog, with a new address, and gave the address only to trusted people with the condition that the rat was never given access. And life goes on...
Well, I am somewhere new. No one at the new job has my blog address. No one will. Once burned...
However, for anyone who has been checking up...you can find me...months later...at...
I look forward to seeing you there...
 2005/11/06 Where do you want to go today?Interesting question isn't it? I only wish I had an answer. And yet...the answer hasn't escaped me. I just haven't figured out the destination. I know I want to go there. I just don't know where there is yet. Or do I? Do you?
 Life is an interesting journey. Anyone reading this is in the midst of the greatest adventure of their lives. Living. Not just existing. But trying to figure out exactly where this existence will lead me isn't enough. Then again, and follow me on this, it won't lead me anywhere. I will lead it. That is to say, I lead my life. I am responsible for each and every action I take. I am responsible, at least in part, in the reactions that spring from my actions. Sometimes those actions are mistakes. Sometimes the reactions are mistaken, but valid nonetheless.
 Yeah. I know. You don't know where I am going with this, or what I am talking about. You don't. But someone does. This blog is about a lot of things. Mostly, this blog is about the journey. But first, this...
I deleted a blog. Only the second entry ever deleted. One was too personal. It still exists. But it's just for me. The other...was over the line. I was stressed out about some stuff. Some work stuff. Some home stuff. Some me stuff. But that doesn't excuse the things I said. No, to be sure nothing excuses anything anyone says. Words uttered are not retractable. Hopefully, however, they are forgivable as having been inspired by temporary insanity. Insanity is too strong a word, but as close as I can come. It's 4am. Maybe insanity explains how I could be in a place to allow me to totally disregard all sensibilities (sensitivities?). I'm not insane. But whatever that blog was, insanity may be in there somewhere. After reading it...and I never read a blog once it's posted...there was nothing me about it. One thing I can say is that one person who was affected by it read themselves in it when they were never present. But in reading it, I completely understand why they saw themselves there. I used a term that could only lead to one place. I guess that's the complication of "for lack of a better word" terminology. To maintain the vagueness, I won't try to manage to explain further. Anyone who felt they were targeted, or threatened for fear of being targeted in the future, you have nothing to worry about.
 I apologize. With all of the humbleness within, I am sorry for offending, concerning, or lashing out.
 Back to the journey...
Everyday I do something that helps my journey to continue. Maybe it's one thing. Maybe it's many things. And while I don't know the ultimate destination of my journey, I do know that I've been using the wrong vehicle. Maybe I need something slower. Something simpler. Maybe I need a new vehicle altogether. I am always travelling forward. We all continue to move forward...even when we feel like we are moving in reverse. Chances are...we're just standing still watching others passing us by.
   My journey is far from over. Tomorrow is the next step forward. And I have a travel partner who decided to take the same road. The same pace. For now, even the same vehicle. We don't have the same destination, per se. But our end points will definitely be in the same place.
I think that may be the best part of my journey. The company. Knowing that we will arrive in the same place by the same method but have a completely different goal and a completely different timeline is fulfilling. It keeps things interesting. One sec...hug break...
 Aaaaahhhhh....
 I'm gonna try and make some sense for you now. But let me just say this...
My blog is for me. It is where I voice my thoughts and feelings. It's my diary, or journal, or log, or whatever a man calls it by today's standards. That being said...it's moving. Some of my audience was invited by me. Some of it was not. And while I have enjoyed meeting new people from all over the world and all walks of life...and many will be invited to the new destination...some things are best left to those who love me...not to those who are acquainted with me.
Now...the sense. There is one thing in my life that makes me feel more like me than anything. One thing. And that thing has been taking a back seat at the expense of trying to be more than I am in other aspects of my life. So maybe it's time to get back in the driver's seat. I've been letting random strangers do the driving from time to time. And they haven't been reading the map. Yup. Things are gonna change. Better still, the change has already begun. And only a select few will ever know the ultimate results. Those who join me on this road, thanks for the company. When I hit the fork...the memories will be great.
 Last week was a hard one. This week will be a challenge. The week after that?
.....
PS: I'll be sending out a distribution to many of my regular readers in case you want to update your bookmarks. The new blog is already up and running. The name and URL are deliberately obscure. When you hear it I think you'll get a chuckle though. I always aim for fun and funny. See you on the flipside!
 2005/10/30 La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaaaa.....OK…I guess I was wrong. I guess American Conservatism still requires a little punch in the head to accompany my pointed mockery. I have to admit, back in the Clinton-years I was impressed with many of the social and political movements I saw in the United States. William Jefferson Clinton spearheaded the revival of the peace initiative in the Middle East, specifically with the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and through peacekeeping, rather than occupational military movements. Clinton understood something the second Bush administration seems to be missing. Change isn’t easy. But change must come at the hand of those who need changing. That is to say, we can’t ask someone to think the way we do simply because we believe it is the right way to think or feel.
More often than not, these people will feel the same way about their own belief system. Also? We’re not Nazi Germany. And for those who know little about Adolph Hitler, his primary belief system was based on the idea that Germans were the superior example of humanity in terms of breeding and intellect, and that German society was the most highly evolved due in part to literature and military technology. This may be oversimplification but look it up. It’d take about 6 months to write even the briefest of summaries of Nazi morality/theory. And it varied based on the position in society of the person being asked. So just take my word for it.
So what’s my point? George W. Bush, with all the crooked cronies that he can muster into the ranks, raided Iraq for the oil under the guise of launching democracy. Funny how the democratic model took the form of an occupation force with a few locals thrown in to make it legit. Saddam Hussein was far from perfect. He, in fact, is a senile, dictatorial brute. But at least Iraqi society was growing under an Iraqi regime. If Bush really wanted to give oppressed people a chance to change, there are nations that needed it more. But they had nothing to offer. And Daddy hadn’t been left red-faced by any of those leaders had he?
No, Dubya wanted the oil that America sorely needs. He wanted to show Hussein that nobody messes with his family. And he wanted to demonstrate American superiority to the rest of the world. Sound familiar? "Screw the United Nations! America knows better!" The problem is that he made such a massive mess of it all that he’s stuck. Millions are spent daily to maintain a military presence for a people who were never asked if they wanted it. Americans lose their lives for a cause that they were never consulted on in a mission for which they are constantly fed patriotic propaganda. "We are hear to liberate the Iraqis! They need our help!"
They needed liberation. They didn’t need anyone to do it for them. They just needed some organization. And that could have been provided covertly…and far more cheaply. If gays can find secret meeting places and covert contact methods, than reformers can do the same. Then again, do you think Bush would ever take gays as a positive example for anything? This brings me to my next point…the one I actually started writing this blog to make… The insistence of the Bush-administration to impose Conservative-ideals on its own population is disgusting, not to mention hypocritical. How is it that previous administrations managed to find Supreme Court nominees who believed in balance and neutrality, but all Dubya can find is Conservatives who consider overturning Roe VS Wade and ensuring that immunizations against sexually transmitted infectious agents be left up to parents rather than making them mandatory. The fact that Conservatives have said inane things like "immunizing pre-pubescents against cervical cancer could send the message that premarital, sexual activity is being encouraged" is sad. The idea that the Bush White House has given credence to dozens of Conservative groups holed up in Washington is worse. You can’t go backward, Mr. Bush. Gays may have their progress stalled in your country but their rights can’t be taken away. Imagine if "the vote" was taken away from women? What if the Emancipation Proclamation was revoked? Revolution, Mr. Bush. You would be invoking the very circumstance in the United States you are essentially preventing in Iraq but trying to force change on a society that clearly isn’t prepared. You may as well reintroduce prohibition for all the success it had in curtailing problem drinking.
It’s all well and good to encourage abstinence in teens. It’s fine to promote Christian ethics of saving sex for marriage. But the separation of church and state seems to have fallen between the cracks. No offense, but one man’s religion is another man’s hedonism. Jews are not going to follow Christian ethics. Muslims are not about to start accepting a Hindu way of thinking. A society will faithfully follow its political leaders, as long as those leaders guide their populace through reason and shared philosophy. And shared philosophy means democracy. Jesus was never a politician. He was a preacher. Jesus didn’t force people to believe as he believed. He supported everyone and encouraged loving your fellow man. And that means respecting diversity. It means accepting that everyone doesn’t follow the same moral code, but that everyone can find a way to agree on a guiding principle if given a voice.
So if you want people to believe you are a good President with the best intentions for your people, then you need to give them a voice. Hold referendums. Hold your beloved townhall meetings without restricting the audience in attendance to your supporters. Give your people a voice. And that means listening to those who aren’t Christian. It means listening to those who aren’t parents. And it means listening to people who aren’t Conservative.
Good luck, Georgie. You’re gonna need it. 
2005/10/29 S to the A to the DDo you ever have one of those periods where everything is just blah? Nothing is really wrong, but nothing feels quite right either. You’re not quite sure if you’re bored, depressed, or just out of sync with the world around you. I’m in the midst of one of those periods. For the past couple of weeks I just haven’t had the same drive as I usually do. I think it is attributable to the change of seasons. The shorter days. The longer nights. The colder outdoors are especially discouraging. The weird thing about it all is that it was a completely unexpected change in my mood and energy. I don’t remember the day it happened. And all of a sudden two weeks went by that I was in a bad mood. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t sad. I was just…blah. But what am I going to do about it? Well, Seasonal Affective Disorder hits me annually. And I seem to be surprised each and every time. I think mostly because the days don’t seem to gradually get shorter. It just seems that I wake up one day and there are only 3-5 hours left of daylight left. And I am usually on my way to work when the sun sets these days. Let me tell ya, working nights is no way to live. Maybe if there were more 24-hour businesses…but I’m getting sidetracked.
I haven’t blogged for awhile and there’s a good reason. I’ve been blissfully happy and there’s nothing bothering me. I have a great guy who makes me happy. We are casually looking for a new place for the two of us to live. I am already well into my Christmas shopping so I will be done well ahead of December so I get to avoid the insanity…and I love it. I hate crowded malls and then tend to spoil my Christmas spirit. I tend to finish early for that very reason. And my job is pretty good, albeit stressful at times. So overall…there was nothing to blog about. There were no big political issues that I felt required my attention. Bush is digging his own hole so he doesn’t need my help. And when idiots do stupid things, pointing and laughing is all I feel the need to do. Again…sidetracked. So…S.A.D. Why bring it up? Well, besides the fact that it has hit me right on schedule, it seems to be impacting a friend of mine. As far as I am concerned…I have to get back to the gym. Before the summer hit and outdoor activities took up the bulk of my exercise, I had been going to the gym regularly. I had slimmed down and toned up and was feeling great. I was sleeping better than usual. Being in shape was encouraging me to eat better without feeling like I was depriving myself. But once you fall out of going to the gym, getting back into the groove is pretty difficult. But I will. I’d like to start tomorrow but I think Tuesday is most likely to be the first day back since it is my next day off. After that I will be going before work. So…my friend. He recently blogged that he was feeling down. He was finding it difficult to get out of bed. Now, when we hang out there is always a sense of camaraderie about us. I think mostly due to the sarcasm and acidic wit that the two of us share. That and the fact that we’re both queer. And karaoke fans. He’s more blunt than I. In a lot of ways, he’s stronger than I am as well. But he’s depressed. Now, I am sure he has more than one reason to feel depressed that I can only attest to from the outside looking in. Other than making the time that I can to be available for listening and encouraging, there’s little I can do to change that. One thing I learned in a lifetime of battling anxiety and depression is that the only person who can change me…is me. So the blog is dedicated to him, but is out there for the millions of people (if they find me/it) who suffer from depression, and more specifically, Seasonal Affective Disorder. And in reading the stuff below, any treatment can be used to combat everyday depression as well. Keep in mind that nothing I have to say, whether or not it comes from a reliable source, can take the place of seeking professional treatment or counseling. I take 30mg of Paxil everyday. I am not embarrassed by it. I can tell you it has made a great difference in my life and helped me to accomplish things I never thought possible. But I can also tell you it comes with side effects that some don’t feel are worth the trade off…and there are days I might agree…but most of the time is definitely worth being a little annoyed.
So here’s a brief rundown and a link you can use to get more information: Seasonal Affective Disorder is basically depression that comes on with the winter season and is alleviated in the late spring. There are many ways to offset the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder. One method is phototherapy. Most people find it difficult to find the time to sit in a brightly-lit space for three unproductive hours. You can find the time by eating your dinner or watching television in a brightly-lit space. This is not something you want to do within 2-4 hours of going to bed or you will find it difficult to sleep. Studies have also shown that an hour in winter sunlight is as effective as 2-3 hours of artificial, bright light. So while going outdoors isn’t necessarily the first thing you want to do, getting out for some window-shopping isn’t always a bad idea. Just bundle up and head out with a hot drink in your hand. Another popular alternative in the winter months is going for tanning sessions. The ultraviolet light closely simulates sunlight and people often report feeling rejuvenated after a winter tanning session. Be sure to start off slowly and do not overdo it. Be sure to use sunscreen. Even with sunscreen you will tan. It will take a couple of sessions to achieve the same results as some others but only one of you will end up without melanoma and wrinkle-free. And if you’re tanning, exfoliate and moisturize daily…that is also important in winter anyway.
Something else you can consider is your diet. When depressed, we tend to crave sweet and starchy foods. But putting on weight will just give us a new excuse to get down on ourselves. So eat natural sweets like apples, bananas, or grapes. All are sweet and juicy and all expend more calories to consume than are being ingested. So it’s win-win. As for the starchy foods, oven-baked french fries are lower in fat than the fried versions and they allow you to be creative in experimenting with your own style of spicing/flavoring. And another spicy, starchy oven-baked food is pita chips. A little spice, some olive oil and you’re on your way.
Finally, nothing stimulates happiness more than exercise. You can spend time alone to dance around the room to your favorite tunes or get out to a club with good friends to dance the night away. FYI: bottled water is better than empty calories…and light beer has the same fat just less alcohol so you drink more to get the same effect thus increasing your overall fat consumption. You can take part in your favorite activity too since all movement expends calories. Exercise is key to stimulating endorphin production that will help alleviate some of your depressive symptoms. Burning calories and fat can improve your self-image and give you a better outlook. Do some chores. You can be productive and healthy all at the same time. Just remember not to gorge yourself after you exercise. Put down the fork between bites. Share a meal with hearty conversation. The same dining habits apply. But have fun with your meals too. Eat at different places. Try new foods. Shake up your routine.
Above all else…if all else fails, see your doctor and follow his/her advice. And now, my lengthy, blathering complete…I will leave you with this fun fact… A study recently completed in Africa among 3500 men concluded that circumcision lowers the chance of HIV infection by 60%. In fact, the group that conducted the study suggested adding circumcision of males to the current efforts to curb the rate of HIV infection in one of the hardest hit regions of the world.
2005/10/01 A rolling stone gathers no Moss…it can’t find it…Kate Moss snorts cocaine. What? A model? A model ingests narcotics that increase her metabolism while diminishing her appetite? No. I won’t believe it. It’s too unlikely. Why would a person ever take stimulants when they look like that? I mean, her gaunt, almost sickly heroin chic appearance is SO-O-O natural. Why would she ruin it with drugs? Lots of women are that skinny naturally. Well…lots of models…and actresses…and mysterious celebrities like Paris Hilton or Nicole Ritchie (in different rooms mind you). See? Perfectly natural.
In case you missed it, that previous tirade was dripping with sarcasm. How any person can believe that Kate Moss is the first supermodel to use cocaine, or in anyway make use of unnatural means to maintain her figure, is beyond comprehension. Her only mistake was doing it in a public venue that allowed her to get caught. At least she entered rehab. Of course she did. If by rehab you mean temporary denial. She may even gain weight in the short term to maintain the media blitz on the forthcoming [alleged] change of her ways.
What I really find amusing is the stance by the fashion world that they are, at least temporarily, excising her from their ranks. So…Donatella Versace? Are you listening? If ever there was a fashionista cokehead…but I digress. Well, who are we kidding? I constantly digress. Why stop now? Some people watch Maya Rudolph’s larger than life "interpretation" of her and think it is so over the top that it couldn’t possibly be accurate. Ever see Donatella on a talk show? The idea that I can understand more in Italian than in English is bad enough. The fact that she has trouble focusing on the person to whom she is speaking is laughable. But Kate Moss…she wears the clothes. So her drug use, among other chemical ingestion, is the scandal…or is it the scapegoat?
The thing that makes me wonder is when someone else will get caught. Will the blame Moss for their fall from grace? Will they claim the drug use as an isolated incident? "It was cocaine? I thought it was icing sugar. I have this wicked sweet tooth! Snorting it seemed the easiest way to get that sweet rock..err…rock candy…yeah…into my system. *sniff* *snort* Y’know, right? Wow. Listen, you know where I can score some more? I mean, I wanted to bake a cake later."
Cocaine is really just on the surface of the fashion underground. What about anorexia? Bulemia? Smoking? Drinking? Botox? Lipo? Augment this? Enhance that? I mean…is anyone [remotely clued in to the world around them] really fooled by Kate Moss’ exile? She lost her most-lucrative contracts, sure. But I doubt this is the last we’ve seen of her. She’ll either get resigned following a brief stint in rehab, or she will be in next season’s fall line-up with a TV-movie and a book deal. Snorting Thin: The Kate Moss Story. Or there will be a very special Degrassi featuring a student who starts snorting coke to get skinny for the school play. Either way, this B.S. will get bigger before it goes away. And then it will go away.
2005/09/19 Not sure if you heard, but...There appears to be great concern over the planned "witch hunt" to out and ostracize gays in the seminaries. To be honest, I believe that this is one battle to which the gay community should happily surrender. There are so many churches out there that are willing to embrace gays in service and faith to which the community can contribute. If this is the latest method of distracting from years of abuse and the underhanded cover-up, then let the Catholic Church write its own demise.
The GLBT community should not allow the Church to make it their personal scapegoat. And while I can appreciate, but not understand, the desperation with which some priests have pledged themselves to serve God (in the hope of being cured of homosexuality) being true to oneself is the greatest honor one can bestow to their God. A God that had a hand in creating that self. Otherwise, it is just one more way for the Church to pretend to be addressing the scandal while quietly sidestepping decades of the <slimy> pastor-relocation program. You see, for those not in the know, that was how the Church used to deal with reports of priests abusing children. They basically bought the silence of the family who reported the issue by taking the priest out of the offended community. Of course, rather than have that priest charged with gross misconduct and sent for treatment or to prison, or accepting responsibility for outrageous negligence, they covered up the reports and moved the priest to a new community. And now that the scandal has cost the Church millions of dollars in settlements and a huge dent in the holier-than-thou reputation…they need to deflect the blame. And many of the <now> adults who are suing the Church were male, and molested by priests…so who’s to blame?
To be sure, it is unfair to pin a crime on sexual identity when almost a century of study has shown the majority of child molesters to be heterosexual…regardless of the gender of their victims. If gays leave the Catholic Church behind, it doesn't mean anyone loses their Christian faith. I think what it will mean is that the Church will then have to admit that they are unwilling to fathom the idea that priests should be allowed to get married. They will finally be forced to end the sexist patriarchy that prevents women from serving on the altar in more than a secondary role because there will be almost no one left to enter the priesthood. The change that has been pending in a Church (NOT a religion) for too long will be forced to come, or the Church will be forced to fold. I, for one, will be only too happy when that happens.
The Roman Catholic Church (an organization, less a religion for some time, of which I am a baptized member) is misled and misguided by decades of reinterpreting scripture and revisionist history. After years of reflection, education, and disillusionment I only marginally keep up these days. In fact, I have embraced my mother’s Jewish faith in many ways that I feel Catholicism has failed me. I think I have learned to incorporate the best of both worlds, while taking what I have learned about many other faiths in the world and inserting my own pragmatic belief system to maintain my own sense of faith. I have learned to separate my God from the worldly Dominion. God is divine. Man is flawed. A Church led my men, therefore, is inherently flawed.
I practice my faith by living everyday as a person who makes an effort to contribute to an improved and happier society. It is what the Bible asks of all Catholics. I don't need to go to an assigned building to hear the same stories regurgitated and reinterpreted in sermon each week to reinforce my faith or my beliefs. No one does. In any event, to support a religion that considers me a deviant, a scapegoat, and a lesser version of any God's creation is ludicrous to me.
2005/09/08 Forty licks...and countingI went to see The Rolling Stones this weekend. I'm not sure where to start so I've decided the beginning is as good a place as any.
We left Halifax at 09:00 AST and sped away for Moncton. Thanks to Jill, we arrived just before noon and took some time to grab some Subway, drop our stuff off, and stretch out a bit before jumping back in the car to head to the concert site for 13:30 AST. We actually forked out $15 for a parking pass, but on our way to the lots we found a spot that was literally a five-minute walk from the site but didn't work with the pass. Deciding convenience was more important than the $15 we already spent, we handed over $5 and parked close. And in doing so we ended up avoiding the shuttles full of drunkards and not waiting 30 minutes between shuttle rides. So off we went.
On our way along the 1.5 kilometer path to the concert site (this was the closest you could park), we heard the geekiest geeks who ever geeked talk about instigating a fight at the concert. I probably shouldn't have laughed at it since they might have thought they were tough guys but the flip-flops, Dungeons & Dragons t-shirts, and thick glasses made it too amusing to pass up. Then there was the 50-year old guy who obviously tried to keep up with the younger set at the campground the night before. He was spewing puke. That was hot let me tell you.
So we got to the site. They, of course, checked our bags to make sure we had no pills or drugs of any kind, no umbrellas, no alcohol, only one litre of water each, and no cameras. Y'know, I thought it was overkill at first but when we got to the concert site and I thought about it...it really made sense. There were no weapons of any kind. They sold disposable cameras on site but nothing was sold that could be used to knock someone over the head with. Beer was draft-only so no bottles were available either. I was impressed. Smart guys those Stones who Roll.
We laid out our blanket at the crest of the hill. We were right in line with the Jumbotrons so we saw everything clearly. First out was Les Trois Accords. They were an obscure Quebec band. They meant well but their instrumentals all sounded the same and since the lyrics were in French...it just seemed like they kept repeating the same song. It wasn't painful...just redundant. Their set was about 20 minutes long or so. I kinda lost track as I laid on the blanket and put my hat over my eyes to nap until I recognized a song.
Then out came Our Lady Peace. Now, I should mention here that I hate Raine Maida. I interviewed him several years ago while working at a radio station. He's a pompous, self-important ass. On the other hand, I enjoy many (but not all) of the singles released by OLP. Superman's Dead was really good. Naveed was good. Somewhere Out There was an octave too low and a couple keys off. Clumsy was off-key as well and Raine kept playing with the melody. So their performance was touch and go. But all-in-all it was good...enough.
Then came Maroon 5. It was awesome. Adam Levine sounds just like he does on the albums. And that is a consummate professional. Not only do they not try to use production "magic" to do more than they are capable, but he takes the time to warm up his voice and be true to the songs. This Love was spot on. So was She Will Be Loved. They sang a song from their upcoming album. The chorus was really fun. The verses though were kind of mundane musically. Like...you were waiting for the chorus the whole time. We'll have to see how it sounds when it is released. Adam walked the length of the stage during Harder to Breathe encouraging the crowd to sing along. "C'mon, you know the words to this one. Let's hear you soing!" Being their first single, I think that went without saying. By the end, I was thoroughly fulfilled as I was really looking forward to seeing them play live. They put on a great performance. It seemed the opening acts kinda had short sets, but Maroon 5 was on longer than Our Lady Peace. I wasn't at all disappointed in that fact, or in the performance.
Then came The Tragically Hip. Now...I like the group. I am one of the few who enjoy the recent releases more than the earlier stuff. But I have to say...Gord Downie needs to cut back on the weed and the beat poetry. First of all...a roach clip on your mic stand. Dude, you should be more concerned with your performance than with maintaining your high. You can do that after the show. You can do that before the show. And you were only on the stage for 30 minutes. If your high drops out that quickly...you have bigger problems than maintaining it. Yeesh. Cut it out for a week and lose some of the tolerance for goodness sake. But whatever. Ahead By A Century was really good. I had hoped to hear Bobcageon but to no avail. Music At Work was awesome until the end when Gord stretched it for a solid minute before breaking into some off-the-wall beat poetry that left more than one person wondering what the hell was in that joint. And he did the same during a few of the old songs too. Overall the performance was strong, but he needs to save the poems for his books. If no one is buying/reading them then the man should be smart enough to keep them out of the music.
We had about a solid hour to wait for The Rolling Stones. They wanted it nice and dark for their entrance. And that was completely understandable. They had an updated graphic of the lips/tongue with a little more realism while maintaining the cartoonish flare. Hopefully the pictures from the disposable camera will come out well so I can post them here later on.
So first the phenomenal graphics hit the Jumbotrons. Multi-colored stars and various shapes flew at you as the stars morphed into Keith, Mick, and the fellas. Really cool. Different mixes of various hits faded in and out as the shapes and patterns changed. And then it went quiet. The screens went black. And *BAM* the fireworks exploded and the graphics became video. You Start Me Up! And then silence. Blackness returned...for about two seconds...again the fireworks, the explosions, the blast of music, and the video flew back into power and Start Me Up was off and kicking. Mick Jagger flew across the stage hitting every point while stirring the entire crowd into a frenzy...rooster strut, black fedora, hot pink jacket, big lips, voice and all was...everywhere. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that a 62-year old man be able to move that quickly, that fluidly. I don't know that I have ever had that kind of energy. And it never ceased. Three fast songs before the first ballad. And Start Me Up was only the beginning. You Can't Always Get What You Want was phenomenal. And the crowd never stopped singing along. Ruby Tuesday was the sixth song. It was the one I was waiting to hear. It has to be one of my favorites. There was a great cover of Ray Charles' Holiday that was completely unexpected but no less welcome. You may remember seeing Rudy Huxtable lip syncing it in an early episode of The Cosby Show. Her part was "BABY! BABY! BABY! OH BABY NOW!" All I can say is....WOW! The show was amazing. All of The Rolling Stones show no sign of slowing down. I can't imagine there not being another tour after this one...but we'll see how long this one lasts first. Pics will be added to the photo album as soon as I get them scanned. Wow.
Seriously. Wow.
Wow. 2005/09/07 Not sure what else to say...but this appliesHarder to Breathe - Maroon 5 (excerpt) How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
2005/08/26 My reply made me smile...so here it isI have to do this now as it is part of the deal... 2005/08/22 All depends on your point of viewPerception is a funny thing. Kind of a funny word really. Not funny ha-ha, but still… OK, maybe it’s not funny at all.
How often do we perceive things in a way other than it is intended? Often times we are unaware of our perceptual errors I suppose, but obviously society has been aware of them for sometime. After all, the idea that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is a time-honored axiom that has been passed through the ages. The most basic interpretation is that our perception determines our conclusions. “So what does that have to do with anything, Matt?”
Well, reader, that’s a great question. Here’s an answer. People rarely realize how much non-verbal information is conveyed in a conversation. Vocal inflections, changes in volume, stresses on certain words, gestures, facial expressions, posture, personal distance, etc. etc. etc. I could literally go on for hours. Seriously. Hours. There is more non-verbal rhetoric that people subconsciously interpret without conscious effort that it is taken for granted. That is, until it slaps you in the face. Figuratively. Not literally. Take for example, instant messaging… People have been making every effort to find ways to incorporate non-verbal communication into instant messaging for almost as long as it has existed. If I say *LOL* you almost certainly know that I have just had a hearty belly laugh. Did you see me smile? Did you hear the chuckle? Did you even notice a difference in my typing? Of course not. You’re there. I’m here. Personally, I have made efforts otherwise to try and incorporate some non-verbal queues into online chats. I will bold a word to point out that I am stressing it. I will italicize a word if I am trying to convey anger. But still, some people don’t understand it. Or misinterpret it. It’s kind of win-lose in that way. And it all comes back to perception. The way one person may perceive the appearance of the text is radically different from the interpretation of any number of other people. So what do we do?
Well, if you’re me…you get playfully mocked. Sometimes, if you’re me, you get yelled at or accused of conveying a message that is radically different than the one that was intended. Other times when you’re me, you throw your hands up and shake your head in utter frustration at the feeling that no matter how hard you try…you simply cannot please everybody. You can’t please everybody all the time. Huh. Pretty perceptive, isn’t it?
2005/08/19 Wisdom - You always find it in the least likely placesI learned something new this week. Something about role models. Something about adaptability. Something about myself. And I guess that’s the most important lesson when it comes right down to it. Those lessons we learn about ourselves. They’re the ones that count. They’re the ones that help us grow, and mature, and change. They’re the ones that make us wise.
So here it is… I thought I had a role model. I mean I did. And to a degree, I still do. Just not to the same degree. My last blog talked about the tendency to base our sense of morality on the influence of those around us. We grow up with our family establishing right from wrong. Then we meet friends who teach us how to adapt those socialized beliefs based on our own experiences. Then we learn how to adapt them on their own. Our sense of right and wrong is always changing, although the initial inclination is always present. So this role model was actually part of a dynamic duo. No, not Batman and Robin…but equally gay.
The problem with role models is that sometimes a person can begin to deify their role models. It’s kind of like the way people see celebrities as infallible. When’s the last time you thought about Halle Berry’s hit-and-run case? And when it first came out, while the first thought was “I hope the victim is OK”…the second thought was just as likely to be “I hope Halle is OK. Everyone makes mistakes.” But there are also times when such perceived mistakes stick in your mind. And that is what changes…both the glorification and the admirer. What have I learned? I have learned that my role models never asked to be placed on the pedestal. So when I remove the idol from its foundation, no one is at fault. I was wrong to put someone in such a position…at least as soon as I did. And while the role model term still applies to the original duo in many respects, I have also learned that I can shift my adulation to someone more apt for the subject to which they previously received it. So essentially I allowed myself to be let down by someone who didn’t know they were capable of letting me down in the first place. I should qualify this blog by saying that I didn’t direct anger or any negativity at this person because I knew it was my issue to deal with.
The great thing about approaching my third decade is that I have learned to temper my reactions to situations. To sit back and reflect on why I feel the way I do. And then, with that logical resonance as my guardian, address the topic of concern without being hindered by foolishness. Of course, sometimes I still overreact a little before the temperance. And when I do, my friends shake it off. They try to understand the incomprehensible. That’s what friends do. They accept the good with the bad. Just like I do of my friends…because when all is said and done, who am I to claim to know everything about what is right and what is wrong? It’s all subject to interpretation and I certainly don’t have all the answers. After all, I’m still learning.
2005/08/07 A beginning..a middle...and a means to an end...The low-down on the Halifax Pride parade was only an outline of things that went on that week. There were a lot of great activities, although limited compared to years past. But that’s not really want I want to talk about here. I want to talk about an organization that needs to rethink some of what they sponsored and partnered in. The AIDS Coalition of Nova Scotia – Halifax Chapter is in a partnership with an organization called SEX NOW. The organization is allegedly dedicated to encouraging safe(r) casual sex activities, as education and abstinence is obviously not making enough of a dent in the rate of HIV infection in our society. And as a side note, I’d like to mention that heterosexual, black women are the largest rise in current HIV infection rates. But here’s where I’ll go off… First, this SEX NOW group is doing a survey that ends off asking about the type of man/woman that you find attractive. What does this have to do with ANY of the sexuality statistics they are researching to try to tailor their education methods? Nothing. According to my source (who is helping to conduct the survey), they wanted to add a little bit of humor to the survey. No offense, dimwits, but anyone willing to do the survey wants to contribute to bettering something…not to get a chuckle out of question #41. Also, your terminology in the survey leaves something to be desired. It is hard to take a survey seriously that uses profane terminology that is almost as vague as the survey itself. I understand what you mean when you ask about "fucking" but it is an incredibly vague term that encompasses any number of sexual acts depending on the audience. So I have to wonder what you are asking. And if you thought that term would actually make the survey more accessible by using a slang word, I think you failed in achieving your goal. I can’t believe the SMU ethics board passed this through (apparently one of their professors is working in conjunction with SEX NOW for this survey). Second, during Pride Week, SEX NOW left business card-sized cards on the bars of the local gay establishments. I’d be OK with this if the cards offered educational material or at least an address where you can find educational literature, counselors, or HIV/Hepatitis/STI testing facilities. But it didn’t. On the front, the words SEX NOW in a pretty font. On the back were two fields. One for your name and one for your phone number. Now don’t get me wrong. I understand that SEX NOW is trying to encourage safer casual sex and that the card is a way to highlight casual sex as a reality…especially within the gay community. But it is also making casual sex easier in that they have provided one more avenue to achieve it. Fill out the card, hand it to someone, leave the ball in his or her court. There is already Cruiseline, on-line classifieds, newspaper classifieds, any number of gay-themed chatrooms, and standard cruising methods not to mention the two local bathhouses. Casual sex doesn’t need any help. And the cards do NOT guarantee legitimate contact information for the sake of contact should an infection be discovered after the fact. You are just making matters worse. The AIDS Coalition should know more about groups with whom they form such partnerships. Finally, at the Halifax Pride parade…the AIDS Coalition had prepared packages that included a condom, lubricant, and a small pamphlet with educational literature and contact information. The pamphlet? Kudos. The condom, sensible and functional. The lubricant? Here’s my problem, apparently is was oil-based. Oil-based lubricant and a latex condom. A group that is supposed to be educating others was careless enough to furnish lubricants that will breakdown the latex in the condoms they provided. "Listen to us. We’ll tell you how to be healthy. Have SAFER sex. Use this condom and lubricant. They will give you a false sense of protection while they work against each other and possibly put you at greater risk than when left to your own devices." Guys…if you are going to take handouts from people…make sure you test the products before you use them on faith. Some people just don’t take the time to be cautious when they are trying to be careful. Now…queer news is all well and good but I want to get back to other things. What’s up with politics lately? George W. Bush’s approval rating is slipping. King Faud died in Saudi Arabia and gas prices jumped four cents the next day. Comment away…but let me know your thoughts on everything. I need some inspiration. After all, my wings get tired from time to time. I feel like gliding these days. "Only skinny people are insulted when they are called skinny. Everyone is insulted when they are called fat." – Matthew Campbell, 08/06/05 2005/08/06 Sometimes I wonder...OK, just to tie up my last entry...kinda vague...kinda cut short...kinda....well, kinda just wrong. I wrote it shortly after hearing the news of the London suicide bombings and I guess rage overwhelmed me. People who blow themselves up to blow others up? Right. Like I said before, I don't understand the Islamic Muslim fundamentalist faith. But, in my mind, if you are angry at political leaders, then that is who you should direct your anger toward. Stop killing innocent civilians. It certainly isn't advancing your cause. In fact, it is not only hurting your cause, but it is hurting your culture. The UK is adopting new civil rights and immigration legislation to basically make it easier to carry out racial profiling. The US is already light years ahead with the latest reports of secret detention facilities. So, like I said (not so clearly before) you really need to think before you act. There are consequences...and rarely are they the ones you are hoping for.
 Now...onto the new blog...
I was reminded last night of my inner child. I was reminded in that someone pointed out that I am a big kid at heart. Not in a bad way. I'm not childish or immature, per se. Just a big kid.
 And that's fine with me. I make a conscious effort to be a big kid, in that I make a decision to remember what it feels like to be a child. Once a day I imagine something outlandish. What would it be like to be Superman? Wouldn't it be cool if there was a waterslide from the second floor of my house? Is magic real? What is the magic of the day? Just things we think about, especially when we are kids. Or at least things I thought about when I was a kid.
Imagination is something that changes in adults. They can picture things in their minds...like how a blueprint will appear when the planned object is completed. But can they imagine what it feels like to fly? And not just see themselves gliding through the air...but close their eyes and see the ground passing beneath them...feel the wind on their faces...swooping down and shooting back up into the sky. No. Adults rarely retain this specific facet of imagination. What purpose does it serve? Well, if you are looking for how it makes you money or will ensure you can retire comfortably...then it serves no purpose at all. But for me, it keeps me young, it keeps me happy, and it helps me to share that happiness with the people I care about.
 So...it's a Saturday...and I need to decide what magic I will enjoy today with my youthful exuberance. I think I will go for a walk before I head to work. And I think I will have a song in my head all the way. I won't just hear the music. I will feel the sentiment in that song. John Mayer. Back To You. It always comes around, back to you. I try to forget you. I tried to stay away, but it's too late.
After all, I can fly.
Love you babe.
 2005/07/24 A Two-ParterFirst…the sequel to last week’s entry…heh…entry… So I went down to the Pride parade. It was OK. In my humble opinion, last year’s was bigger and showier...and even with the previous complaints...more entertaining in an enjoyable way. But this year’s included some of the very representation I was calling for in the previous blog. There were numerous representations of gay marriage (although with so many fab-u-lous [minus the best of the rest, I might add...you know who you are...packing stuff into a van wearing plain clothes] drag queens around, I don’t see why some guys have to make a joke of gay marriage by wearing bridal gowns). I think one of my favorite things from the parade was a young woman wearing a shirt that said "Proud Of My Gay Dad" since it is so important to show that positive things come from gay parents…and a well-rounded child is one of the most important positive things of all.
As usual, there were a ton of guys in leather, but I have to say "Kudos!" to the visible lack of the jock strap/chap combination. Leather pants show far too much and just enough (depending on your personal preference) all at the same time. And there was one exceptional statement that remains my favorite of Pride this year. Travis, that "Catholic Gaydar" t-shirt is, if you’ll pardon the temporary slip into ebonics, DA BOMB! Politically charged, funny, pink. It’s win-win-win.
Second, consider this an open letter to Al Qaida… Dear Osama, I know you hate Dubya. Fair enough. I’m sure it has something to do with oil. With the Bush family, it invariably does. Or at least it did. Now it seems to be a personal vendetta. Again, fair enough. If you feel the need to lash out at the Bush clan (huh…somehow referring to them as a clan seems fitting…who knew?) then do so privately. There’s no need to jump down the throat of every foolish country whose leader decided to support the shiny (precious-s-s-s-s) American "War on Terror." I mean, to be honest, even Canada supports the fight to defeat terrorism in all its forms. It’s a disgusting means to an end. Not only will that mean the end (READ: brutal death) of innocent civilians, it will be an end to people who think their God will have, what is it 40?, virgins waiting for them in heaven.
Now, I admit, my knowledge of the Islamic Muslim faith is limited to news reports covering the topic…but you live in a society that basically outlaws all overt expressions of sexuality under the religious belief that sex is blasphemous hedonism. So, you can’t have sex while you’re alive unless you pay a family for a "wife" that cannot enjoy any part of the repressed sexuality she is forced to (more or less) endure to give you an offspring. Not sure if I have it 100% Osama…but even if I’m off by a LARGE measure…the long and the short of it is if your God doesn’t want you having sex with your spouse(s), what makes you think that same God will have a bunch of willing ladies waiting for you later? Especially after you murder hundreds of his innocent children to kill one of the bad apples.
I’m not one for revisionist history, but you may want to consider taking another look at that book of yours. I know the one I grew up with needs a fresh pair of eyes. One thing that it very important to remember is that it was written at a time when society was a lot less sophisticated and a lot more superstitious. I'm probably coming off badly in this one. I am not at all trying to insult your belief system. I am just asking you to take another look at the writings that inspire it. Sincerely, The Rest of Us 2005/07/10 Pride Week 2005 - Everyday people ARE fantastic!First of all, the greatest guy in the world surprised me with a dozen roses today. No one has ever given me a bouquet of flowers before. I kind of thought it’d be strange to get a bouquet as a gift. I’m a guy, right? I should be given tools or electronics, shouldn’t I? Instead I got roses. And I love them. And I love him. It has to be one of the most thoughtful, romantic gifts I have ever received. He’s a keeper that one.
Halifax will be celebrating Gay Pride next week and I’m not sure how I feel about it this year. Lately there has been so much negative press about all things gay that I've been wondering exactly what the gay community has really accomplished. Being proud to live life honestly is admirable. An annual showcase of stereotypes, however, accomplishes nothing more than providing ammunition to the very people who make our compatriots feel ashamed/frightened to live their lives freely and openly.
Time for a bit of a history lesson, ladies and gentlemen… In June 1969, New York City’s Greenwich Village (the gay ghetto) became the focal point of mainstream media, converging on the Stonewall Inn. Although Mafia-run, the bar was periodically raided by police – like most other gay bars in the city. Although this night fell into the familiar pattern of crooked cops arresting the more prominent factor (drag queens and butch lesbians) and shaking down the owners who simply wanted to stay in business. The 60s was a turbulent decade focusing on both free love and the civil rights movement in the wake of war and the draft. So in what had become just another night, the Stonewall customers finally cracked. Enough was enough. The initial outbursts were yells and screams in defiance. It turned to the officers being pelted with coins, stones, and errant beer bottles. Eventually, unaccustomed to gays who fought back, the police turned to barricading themselves in the very place they had raided. Over the next week, the riots turned to nightly protests and demonstrations. Finally came the overwhelming realization that organization worked. A rallying cry within the community was finally heard and so began the movement that continues to carry the gay community forward today. Far too many of the voices that brought the community to a legitimate place in society have been silenced. Many suffered at the initial onslaught of the AIDS epidemic in the 80s (before awareness and treatment options were realized). Others still are simply too old to continue the fight in our name. And what do we do? We organize a parade that features a [very] few legitimate representations (e.g. PFLAG and The GLBT Youth Project), but primarily showcases caricatures of the community and random fetishists. While diversity is a huge part of the underlying message, old men in leather, studded jock straps [and little else] certainly doesn’t make it easier for the greater populace to see any of us as the everyman (or everywomyn).
I am certainly not suggesting we leave out the leather daddies, diesel dykes, or drag queens. They are an inherent part of our history and serve as strong, representative imagery of homosexuality and the gay community at large. But if we are ever to find a place in this society, other than as "those people we need to accept in our world," then we need to show that we are more than the stereotypical, polygamous, deviant sex fiends we have been made out to be since the earliest days of homophobia. Our floats can represent Stonewall. Our floats can also represent family units with two same-gender parents. Last year I saw two mothers with their child in a car. This year, I’d like to see a flatbed featuring a dozen unique families. Next year, maybe two dozen marching the whole parade route. Numbers may not mean everything, but it certainly lends credence to the idea that a functional gay-parented family is not the exception to the rule. We all have a voice. I plan to exercise mine in plenty of time for next year. I wish someone had lit the fire under me sooner. We can find a way to combine fun with function…like lesbians at Home Depot (sorry girls, I couldn’t resist)…I hope to hear your voice soon.
2005/07/01 Tree, bush, or nothin'?Definitely tree. At this point it's a sapling, but a tree nonetheless. The branches are slowly getting longer. The roots are definitely deeper. I see new budding everyday.
 I just spent a solid week with my babe and it was phenomenal. I cooked. He cleaned. I did laundry. He kept me company. It was just nice to have the time to ourselves. Cuddling together rocks. So does hugging, kissing, and napping together.
For too many years I was terrified of giving my heart to someone. I had been in a relationship for almost six years when things finally had to end. And that was one of the most difficult decisions I had ever made. It was hard to finally say it was time to give in on something I had invested so much of myself to make succeed and flourish. It took two years for me to decide to even try dating someone. And even then I wasn't ready and ended up breaking someone's heart. It took another 9 months before I went out on another limb. And I met someone pretty special, but it wasn't meant to be. And that ended up being OK, because it taught me that my heart was broken - it was just badly bruised. It had finally healed thanks to the love and support of some very special friends.
Bobbi & Dave, Andrea & Carmen, Lisa & Heather, Ryan & Dita *wink*, and one hell of a Mom...you reminded me everyday that friends are a great outlet for a person with a lot of love to share and you never let me feel like I was missing anything in getting to know myself again. I thank you all.
 And now I have an amazing guy in my life who makes me smile repeatedly everyday. Even when he's staring at me making me feel self-conscious while professing how beautiful he thinks I am. I'm fairly hard on myself on a regular basis. I don't think I am particularly attractive, just average. I don't think I am a great singer, but I enjoy it so I do it anyway. And Danny tells me I am beautiful. And he loves to hear me sing. So he makes me feel great about everything I say and do and feel so he is just about the best thing on this planet as far as I'm concerned. I can't imagine my life without him these days. Every moment with him is a gift.
 It's funny how things happen. About a year ago, he came back to my workspace and freaked out about a mistake someone else made. An email was sent to his supervisor in this regard. Months later, he ended up walking with my friends and I from one bar to another. We were all drinking and were headed in the same direction and felt uber-friendly. Months after that we are officially introduced by a friend of mine who has a friend in common with him. All these times we encountered each other previously were happenstance. And nothing ever really clicked due to the situation. This time was different. We talked briefly after that introduction and I was smitten pretty quickly. About 20 minutes later I ran into him at McDonald's and decided not to pass up the opportunity and we talked for about 15 minutes before my friends got their food and wanted to leave. I was ready to leave, but not with them. Danny just...I don't know...I guess fate just decided it was about damned time we stick together. I mean, three strikes and you're out right? Cupid finally hit his target. And I've been walking around smiling gleefully with that arrow sticking out ever since.
I love you, baby.
 2005/06/26 Entitlement stops at homeWhy do people feel entitled? I'm not referring to run of the mill, I am entitled to a second helping of supper for having washed the dishes. I mean entitled to be the most important, or somehow superior, or more deserving of rights and privileges...let's look at some prime examples shall we?
Anyone following politics in the news have heard about the gay marriage debate that is currently stalled in parliament. In this case, heterosexuals seemingly feel entitled to being the only people permitted to be married. Entitled to attribute a specific word to their unions. And civil unions are not the same. Saying something is equivalent does not make it the same. And coming up with a new definition is just solidifying the poisonous ideology of "equal but different" (another way of saying, similar but lesser). It is the ruling class trying to supress those who are different. After all, if people start believing homosexuality isn't a sickness or genetic anomoly...maybe teen suicide rates will plummet. Maybe the divorce rate will decrease. Maybe hate crime incidence will drop. But that's just crazy talk. People of African descent, not to mention just about every other culture, are still fighting for their civil rights today. While Canada may be a world leader in multiculturalism and cultural equality, it is far from perfect. There is still a huge bias in favour of caucasians. And trying to work on that hasn't improved the issue and in a lot of ways has actually increased hostility. Sure, anyone can sit on any part of the bus, or use whichever public washroom facilities...but there are still people who think body shape, skin color, or hair texture are aspects which grant superiority or entitlement to better things in life. And affirmative action is a huge headache in my mind as it really hasn't helped.
Where I work, there is a huge drive to increase diversity in the workforce. And that certainly is admirable...but it is poorly carried out. There are people who lack the credentials or work ethic to carry out the same position I hold. Thanks to affirmative action, my job is more stressful because I am always...always...ALWAYS retraining people on things that they have been taught, coached on, and mentored in regard to on many occasions. The big problem, in my mind, is that the perception of being considered racist has caused senior management to cower in their cubicles not holding these people accountable for their lack of interest in training. And not being held accountable for incompetency reinforces the very problem about which I am complaining. If these people were told to straighten up and fly right, they most certainly would. They are not incapable. Just inattentive. And you know what? If I could get paid for only marginally monitoring what I was hired to do, I sure as hell would spend my days with my feet up and a smile on my face. Who wants to work when they can get paid not to? It's less stressful, to say the least. But this is the problem with affirmative action. It is meant to sidestep racism...and it does...in some respects. But in other ways, it just changes the focus or direction of the fear and the fearful. Sure, to some it is poetic justice. But that doesn't solve the problem. The idea of "see how you like it" is short term satisfaction that ultimately leaves the issue unresolved and perpetually recycling. There are deeper issues to be addressed to improve things and no one is willing to make those changes...because change is difficult. More importantly, change is expensive. Just like the Kyoto accords, it costs money and that makes the government hesitant. it would cost money to create educational theory, literature, training, and promotions. It would be starting from scratch in many ways. And older generations would be counter-productive as they grew up "back then" when such majority opinions were acceptable and promoted. I'd like your thoughts, your suggestions, and your lashings on this one. I'm not sure what else to say.
2005/06/22 One small step for man...While this is probably one of my more tasteless blog topics, I feel enraged enough to address it. I don't understand how guys can miss the urinal so often. Almost every single time I walk into a men's restroom, I see it lurking on the floor in front of each urinal. A puddle. And when it isn't raining outside, I can only attribute it to one thing. Either these guys have unhealed, disturbing piercings that cause skewed aim, or they haven't figured out that they really don't have the length they seem to attribute to themselves.
Obviously these guys seem to believe they possess a lengthy endowment. It's the only way I can imagine they justify not standing closer to the receptacle. The problem with that is the obvious shortcomings (pun intended) from which they obviously suffer. At first I thought they simply weren't taught the proper tap & shake method, but even that would have to show additional evidence...like a spray stain on the wall or something. But no, just disgusting puddles on the washroom floor. Urinals used to be convenient. Ever since I first noticed the sticky, intrusive, nasty - there aren't enough adjectives to describe my disgust - puddles on the floor, I can't bring myself to use them. Not at work. Not at a bar.
Well certainly not at a bar...what is it with guys trying to take a peek at everyone...yeesh!
Anywho, I am officially a stall man. When I was oblivious to it, there was never a problem. Once I saw it, I came to find that these puddles are everywhere. Only once in the last week have I used a urinal, and it was immediately after the washroom had been cleaned. I step in dirt all day, but it is without being aware of it. I cannot knowingly set foot in a puddle of partially dried urine. I just can't do it. Is it my problem? Perhaps. Am I the only guy who will watch for it after this blog? Unlikely. 2005/06/11 Michael Jackson…Behind the MusicI guess it’s time to weigh in on the subject. A verdict is pending and my closest friends know I am a fan of the artistic and charitable endeavors the man has spearheaded. I’ll warn you, this is a long one – there isn’t even room for emoticons… When Michael Jackson first hit the music scene as a solo artist, he was considered run of the mill. Off the Wall was a big hit for a solo artist at the time, but it was catching the end of the disco era. While it took the disco sound and turned it on its head, it was too late to save the mirror ball from mothballs. Run of the mill wasn’t good enough…Michael wanted to be revolutionary. With the delivery of Thriller in 1981, Michael blew the Billboard charts away. Thriller was a phenomenon and has yet to be surpassed for total overall sales since its release. Many have come close, but no one has achieved the sheer magnitude of media mania since. And that is a big part of what has brought Michael to his knees. The lost boys have been taken from Neverland…with questions about Peter Pan’s purity. The spotlight has dimmed. After Thriller was released, Michael Jackson had nowhere to go but down. Rather than be defeated, he chose to blow the roof off Motown 25 and set the bar even higher by introducing the moonwalk while performing a song about a woman who claims that Michael is the father of her illegitimate child. That song was Billie Jean. Continuing the forward momentum, he released videos for his songs that were less performances of the song, than they were short films with profound visual texts. Thriller was a horror movie come to life, complete with the waking dead, special effects, ghoulish make-up, and the director of Home Alone. Billie Jean was the long, reflective walk any man might take while contemplating the possibility of being the father of a stranger. It was also at this point that Michael introduced a new nose and hairstyle that the media pounced on like a pack of rabid dogs. It was a sleek, original look that set Michael out from the pack…at first. And Michael knew exactly how to exploit it to advance his pet pursuits. Collaborating with Lionel Richie, Michael penned We Are the World, a song that represented his personal and spiritual beliefs and his desire for a unified human race. He gathered dozens of the world’s best known artists to lend their voices and musical talents to a song, the proceeds of which would only benefit the starving children in Africa. As time went on, Michael was finding it was high time that he amaze the world again. His slow descent into reclusion was becoming almost mythical. Public appearances were growing fewer and farther between after the initial media spectacle that was the release of Thriller. The media had turned to speculating on Michael’s private life like Dr. Jeckyl turned to Mr. Hyde. Rather than forcing the creative process, Michael began to visit sick children in hospitals and revealed his concern for children afflicted with life-threatening illnesses. He even opened his newly purchased estate to the Make-a-Wish Foundation so children could play freely and visit with an icon. The estate even included a theater equipped with special, individual rooms for children too sick to be removed from support so they could partake in film screenings, puppet shows, magic shows, and personal performances by Michael himself. In what was grossly under-exposed due to the media obsession with his personal life, he starred in an exclusive 3D sci-fi film for Walt Disney World called Captain Eo that cast him as a hero. Accounting for inflation, and primarily due to the special effects capabilities of the time, the film remains to be the most expensive film of all time in what cost $1,000,000 per minute of footage. Michael walked away from the spotlight a few years following Captain Eo. He continued his charitable endeavors and began opening his home and his heart to more families, making the visits a weekly occurrence in Neverland. It was at this time that Michael continued his physical, and personal, transformation. But away from the prying eyes of the world, the changes were made out to be more and more bizarre – and they seemed that way too. Michael spoke out about the purity of children. He talked about how seeing the world through the eyes of a child brings one closer to God. He loved to see children look at the world with an innate wonder about everything that betrayed a purity that he himself shared. He admitted that the moonwalk was a step adapted from movements he saw in children who were break-dancing on a street corner. He denounced the changing media’s attention to sex and swearing and wished only that parents would support their children and allow them to grow up in an environment that encourages play, fun, learning, and – most of all – innocence. Michael’s next musical contribution was Bad. And it was good. With the title track making a huge splash, second only to Thriller for single sales, Michael was back on top of the charts, and the world. But his hair was longer, his nose was smaller, and his skin was lighter. Even incredible hits like Smooth Criminal, Man in the Mirror and The Way You Make Me Feel were overshadowed by media speculation about skin bleaching and sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber (a pressurized device used to treat burn victims). Michael went on a world tour to support the album, meeting with enormous fan support (and media conjecture) everywhere along the way. Then Michael took a long break and his reclusive nature took over. The children continued to visit Neverland whether or not he was there. If he was on a promotional visit or working on an upcoming performance, his staff took care of the visiting families. Otherwise, the media was left to use recycled, and sometimes doctored, photos to put on their covers to sell magazines that offered unsubstantiated stories of more eccentricities. Michael’s own previous tendencies to mislead the media may have started the hype, but no one could have imagined where it might lead. Almost a decade had passed since Bad. And Michael decided the time had come to speak out against the media as a follow-up to Bad’s Leave Me Alone in which Michael proclaimed to be tired of the lies. In Dangerous, Michael spoke out about how ultimately it doesn’t matter if someone is Black or White. He wrote Gone Too Soon for Ryan White, a young hemophiliac who contracted HIV from a tainted blood transfusion, and later died from AIDS-related complications. Ryan had spent many of his last days at Neverland visiting with Michael, enjoying the amusement park, and taking in a movie or two from a hospital bed. The text of the song addressed the purity of his concern for the children of the world. The more topical Why You Wanna Trip On Me addressed the media fixation on Michael at a time when disease, poverty, and hunger remain a massive problem throughout the world. But the world doesn’t want to look inward when they can judge the appearance of someone else now does it? And by world, I mean the United States – a culture so encompassed by voyeurism that so-called reality TV is the epitome of American entertainment. Even now, Michael’s popularity in Europe and Asia remains strong. It is hardly beyond the realm of possibilities that his status as one of the world’s most well known men, as well as a vocal advocate of children, could have been set up in the next big blow to the life of Michael Jackson. Less than two years after the release of Dangerous, Michael was sideswiped by allegations of sexual misconduct with a minor. A boy claimed Michael had "open-mouth" kissed him, masturbated him, and fellated him. After preliminary hearings, Michael’s attorneys advised him to settle. The settlement included a 15-million dollar trust fund in the boy’s name, 1.5-million dollars in cash for each of his parents, and a 5-million dollar fee to their attorney. The parents didn’t want him punished. They wanted him to pay money…to them…as well as the alleged victim. If ever there was a shakedown… For awhile, Michael went back into seclusion while the mass media continued its "analyses" (read: biased, misleading speculation). Then he eased the exile, released HIStory, and went on a media blitz. He married Lisa Marie Presley, appearing with his wife on Primetime Live as well as in the video for You Are Not Alone, and appeared in MTV interviews. Michael’s career was slowly clawing its way out of the grave. As a follow up to HIStory, Michael released the under-promoted Blood on the Dance Floor, an album of remixes of both old and new(er) songs. Michael’s appearance hadn’t changed drastically in awhile. He cut and straightened his hair for a few months, but that was about it. So the media had little to say. The comments about skin color and nose dimensions had all been heard. So they found another lead. Michael Jackson…WAS BROKE. Of course, that’s not altogether true. Not then, and not today. Sure, he’s in debt. Like any other red-blooded American, Michael Jackson is up to his eyeballs in debt. But he also owns several lucrative music catalogues and continues to receive residuals for previously released albums and collectibles. Once again, media spin rears its ugly, little, profit-mongering head. So here we are today…Michael hasn’t released an album in four years. Strange as it may seem, after a tainted reputation was resurfacing amid the speculation and theorizing, someone else accused Michael of sexual misconduct. A child that Michael not only befriended, but paid the medical bills for over two years. A child whose family began asking for money. A child whose family had taken up residence at Neverland and was being asked to go home since his cancer had gone into remission. Michael has his own family to care for these days. And I won’t even go into the dangling incident. I never said Michael thinks before he acts. So…did he do it? I don’t know. Based on the facts…and I have only cited facts reported by CNN or available in album inserts…I think it is safe to say only one conclusion could be drawn. Is a man, who is so oblivious to his own financial state that he continues to go on multi-million dollar shopping trips, capable of manipulating teenage boys and pulling the wool over the eyes of the world obsessed with his every move? Personally, I doubt he has the capacity to be that devious. Michael is certainly disturbed. But we’re all a little disturbed. Is he wrong to think the world needs to stop and look in the mirror? Not at all. This place is a mess. Racism, greed, corruption, murder, disease, anarchy…not to mention priests (who profess to be God’s earthly representative in a world-spanning religion) who molest little boys. Michael may believe in divinity, but he isn’t a priest. Draw your own conclusions. Just make them informed conclusions. I have to conclude with this...I find it fascinating that a man who exudes peace, love, acceptance, and forgiveness could be accused of such heinous crimes. And I wonder if the reason many people so quickly believe it is because if he really is that kind, innocent, and naive...then what kind of animals does that make the rest of us? After all, no one can be that good and caring. Can one? 2005/06/09 Laziness...I hate when people are too lazy to ju-Laziness drives me insane sometimes. While I admit I have my own laziness factor, I generally can attribute things I avoid to their lack of being fun rather than my being lazy. For example, I am asked to mow the lawn. It can actually be an enjoyable prospect. I throw on my Discman and get some exercise and fresh air under the sun. So I do it. Not very lazy now am I? Now...I'm asked to vacuum. Well, I could move furniture around and stir up dust while getting sweaty and disgusting (not outside, not under the sun, not getting fresh air). Not bloody likely. But I'm highly allergic. If asked why I didn't do it, I'd probably claim laziness. But the reason is that doing so will make me miserable for an entire day.
So...laziness...in today's rant it's all based on people who take the bus. Now, don't get me wrong. I take the bus almost daily to get to work. But if I didn't break a sweat so easily I'd walk. And I do mean I break a sweat easily. Walk up a flight of stairs? Break a sweat. Once a sneezed and broke a sweat. Seriously. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not fat. I go to the gym, so I'm not out of shape. I'm a vegetarian so it ain't my diet. I just sweat easily. OK, I take Paxil and that is one of the side-effects, but still...
Anywho, back to bus folk. What really pisses me off is that the bus runs on a tight schedule and people have no problem slowing it down as long as they don't have to walk ten additional feet after they get off. It really gets to me. I always have to catch a connecting bus. And there have been days that I miss it, JUST miss it mind you, because people are ringing the stop dealy at every stop. They are literally one block apart, people! And your fat ass can stand to walk an extra block or forty, so get off when someone else does and save the rest of us an extra delay. We have places to be! Even when I am in a hurry, I will get off a stop early if someone else was getting off. It is one stop earlier. I don't mind burning a few extra calories. Most of the bus passengers can stand to lose several hundred. Do us all a favor...walk the extra few feet. I won't have to try averting my eyes from the mound of flesh you call a leg, and you won't struggle to breathe. It's win-win.
2005/05/28 Oops…sorryWhy do people only seem to apologize when they realize they’ve offended, upset, or hurt you? Regret never seems to be proactive. Did Billy Graham apologize for renting the hooker after it happened? No. In fact, he only apologized about two weeks later when a tabloid leaked the story to the world. “I have sinned!” Yeah, no kidding. A little late for confession, wouldn’t ya say Padre? But it is only one example.
Reagan apologized for the Iran-Contra scandal after a long, drawn out inquest into the events surrounding the weapons exchange. And even then he still had his established scapegoat to take the real fall. Reagan basically said, “Oops, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now talk to Mike over there.” And, honestly, I think there are a lot of great things about Reagan’s presidency. Most of those things concern his efforts to topple communism in Russia and end the cold war. I mean, look at Dubya. He’s trying to rekindle the Star Wars progra---err, sorry, Ballistic Missile Defense Shield. They’re completely different. Pretend I said nothing.
Y’know what pretend means right. Like Dubya pretends that the Iraq War was meant to liberate the people from a brutal dictator rather than usurp control of the oil fields from the indigenous people.
Anyway, back to my point. Apologies. I hate that people only apologize after they see that I have been clearly insulted, or disgusted, or upset, or whatever negative reaction I have had to the stimulus they provided. If you know you’re about to the cross the line, then shut the hell up. If you speak before you can catch yourself, apologize right away. Don’t wait until I give you a “look” or shake my head in disgust. And don’t apologize. Seriously. Cause I don’t accept it as genuine. In fact, I’d rather you wait a day or two and then bring it up in order to apologize. At least you reflected on what you said and then realized you were wrong. Or maybe you just misspoke. It still gives you the chance to clarify or correct yourself.
But be warned…I’m learning not to lash out when something induces a negative reaction. I think about my responses more these days. Sometimes that means that I will just point out how many fundamental errors you made with your actions or words. Other times that means I will make you feel like the lowest piece of flotsam ever to grace the ocean’s surface. When I am feeling especially dramatic, you get silence and a smile. Not just any smile. A satisfied smile. For those who might not understand it, you can pretty much read it as me saying, “You are the dumbest f*** I’ve ever laid eyes on. I won’t even dignify your nonsense with a response.” It all depends on the time of day and how much sleep I got the night before.
Just a side note: more often than not, I did not sleep well. So think before you speak. I make every effort to do so.
Are you gonna throw the dice? 2005/05/24 Sometimes quantity is required for qualityYeah, so I had kind of a heated argument with someone the other day about why American Conservatism is (allegedly) going to change the world for the better and that resulted in the rant below. The problem was that rather than having a healthy debate (which I live for - since there is a chance both to teach AND to learn, and I strive to learn new things everyday) it quickly turned into an argument. I hate arguments. An argument is basically a debate where one side refuses to listen to rationality and logic and the other side tries their damnedest simply to be heard only to grow increasingly loud and frustrated. Guess which side I was on.
So first this guy decides that Bush was right to attack Iraq. Not for the Weapons of Mass Destruction which turned out NOT to exist. Not because Hussein was allegedly assisting terrorists. And I'd like to point out that they've found no evidence of Al Qaida operatives in Iraq. They've only met resistance from the couple hundred Iraqi insurgents (And are you an insurgent if you were there first and you believe that you are trying to preserve a culture you are socialized to believe in? Don't get me wrong, the method is ludicrous and a waste of life, but try to see both sides and make an effort to educate rather than conquer). But his argument was that America was right to invade Iraq because Hussein was going to withhold his oil. This guy was basically defending Bush for the underlying greed he is hiding from the American people with War on Terror propaganda!
So my argument was that Bush was wrong to attack simply for control of the oil fields and for trying to pick up the mess where Daddy failed. Well the guy pretty much lost it at this point. I should point out he was my cab driver. I have bad luck with cabbies. Either they pick me up stinking of weed in a car with all the panel lights flashing "Check Battery" "Service Engine Soon" and "Low Fuel" (and I get that guy about once a week) or they're telling me about how hot women find cabbies and their sexual offers that ensue. That guy is almost nightly I might add...until I switched transport modes. Anyway, he said that Bush Jr. was NOT picking up Daddy's pieces. He was just finishing a job the UN prevented Bush Sr. from completing. Right. So that's where the anger came out. The guy was a conspiracy theorist of the worst kind.
On to Stephen Harper and The Conservative Party...and let me first say I wish they had stuck with Conservative-Reform Alliance Party for the acronym alone. The Reform party is simply a Westerners only club that couldn't stand alone or affect any change without support from the east. So they conned the only party that would even consider their backward nonsense into joining them in a new allied front. Their is almost nothing left of the original Progressive Conservatives. And the Reformers anticipated that. So they used the initial base to move into the East. Fair enough. Politics is all about playing the game and stategizing. But let's call it what it is, shall we? Harper has always been an American at heart. He publicly claims to be about more cooperation with the United States. As far as trade is concerned, EVERY party wants that. Harper wants to open the border to Canadian Beef. EVERY party wants to do THAT. The fact that he claims he'd d it better is all well and good. But the reason Conservatives think he'll have more success is that he (along with the majority of his supporters) agrees with the Bush fundamentalism. Not because he has a superior plan or can provide more assurances, but because he thinks gays are sinners and deserve a lesser status. Because he believes in conquering countries (he openly supported the war in Iraq) with weak militaries in order to seize control of their natural resources (which was the reason for the war, not the alleged, nonexistent weapons of mass destruction or humanitarian sensibilities).
Now, Democracy in Action made some interesting points in his comments. The CBC is biased. Fair enough. But their quotes (thanks Mark) were accurate and repeated in other sources and forums. Did Belinda get bought out? Or did she honestly disagree with many of Harper's platforms and the corruption in her own party? Maybe a little bit of both. Ultimately, she left a party that was playing dirty pool (in my humble opinion). Paul Martin has cooperated with the Gomery inquiry. He went on national television to ask Canadians to let it finish before making any decisions. A political counter to Harper's call for non-confidence. Now that Belinda is gone and the tables are more balanced, isn't it funny how Harper has backed off on that call? Yes, funny. I like to laugh...at Harper when he's caught with his pants down. He said Belinda had little choice but to leave the party since she wouldn't be going any further with the Conservatives. How can women support a party that traditionally looks down on smart women and then admittedly says they're stuck under the glass ceiling?
Dan has a point, Democracy. I wonder where you stand on such a controversial issue as gay marriage. I also wonder why you don't have a weblog link or email address to identify yourself. Do we know each other? Either way, I welcome opinions. And I have even gone to some of the sources you mentioned and talked with others about issues you raised. I haven't always voted Liberal mind you, but I have openly supported a Liberal doctrine and the platform has almost always impressed me. When I've been turned off the Liberal party, I always made sure to vote where my heart and my conscience directed me. Even if it meant spoiling my ballot (did that only once mind you) I made sure to exercise my right and obligation to have a voice in how this country expresses itself internally and globally. I suggest all of us make sure to do that. Laziness is no excuse. There may be more to discuss but this is about the longest blog yet and I hope for the debate to continue in others to come.
Write on!
2005/05/20 Sometimes quantity is less important than qualityEvery generation vows that they will make the world a better place than the generation before. Honestly, I'm beginning to think that we are running out of time. Conservative politics seem to be leading the race right now. And I don't know that I've been this concerned in recent years. The environment is failing. Tropical storms are occurring more often and with greater strength. And Dubya wants to legalize, AND do, more environmental damage before he leaves office by allowing drilling in the Alaskan preserve. Then there are men like Steven Harper who is trying to overthrow a Liberal government so he can destroy universal health care and make it harder for gays and minorities to live their lives happily. He is a stone's throw away from being an American and environmental damage won't be far behind. He has lambasted Paul Martin for not trying to pull out of the Kyoto accords. It's expensive to help the environment. Hey Harper, it's more expensive to try to save the human race from burning up over the next century. *sigh* Anywho, this rant is over. I'm too disgusted to continue... |
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